Screwed-Up Christmas Carols... VERSION 2.0!
by Tuxedo Jack
Summary: Three more carols from my twisted mind, presented by myself, Ayanami Rei, and Nephrite. WARNING: HEAVY WAFF.


Geez, not this again...  
  
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Screwed-Up Christmas Carols Version 2.0  
By Tuxedo Jack  
November 15, 2001  
  
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(Scene: The lounge from the afterlife in MSMT3K episode 20.  
JR and Rei are sitting there. JR is in a Santa costume, Rei  
is dressed as Mrs. Claus, and Nephrite enters from the right  
dressed as a none-too-jolly elf.)  
NEPHRITE: I swear, I'm going to kill you for this one day.  
REI: Look at me. Can you call your situation bad after this?  
NEPHRITE: You don't have to wear makeup.  
REI: ...  
JR: *Sweatdrop* Anyways, welcome to the mansion. It seems that  
you all liked last year's Christmas special so much, we decided  
to do another one this year.  
NEPHRITE: "We"? I seem to recall you mentioning something about  
it during dinner yesterday with the Shitennou and Naru, all of  
who... except me, foolishly... ran off.  
JR: Hey, you stayed instead of leaving. It's your own fault.  
NEPHRITE: No, I stayed because Zoisite spilled the damned gravy  
boat all over my new shoes and I was looking for something to  
clean them off with.  
REI: ... JR, why was I brought into this?  
JR: Because you look good in a Mrs. Claus outfit. You think I get  
dressed up like this for just anything?  
NEPHRITE: Hey, you've got the padding.  
JR: Shut up. It's just this holiday thing...  
REI: Can we get started?  
JR: Yes, let's.  
  
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Angels Roasting On An Open Fire  
(To the tune of "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire")  
  
Angels roasting over Tokyo-3  
Asuka bitches at Gendo  
Misato and Kaji getting warm by the fire  
Ritsuko's under mistletoe  
  
Everybody knows  
Some EVAs and a few Angels  
Help to make the skyline bright  
Toji's sis, with her mind so full  
Will find it hard to sleep tonight  
  
She knows Tabris is on his way  
He's got love and destruction on his sleigh  
And even Hikari will smile  
When the school goes up in a blaze of fire  
  
And so, we're offering this simple though  
To everyone in Tokyo-3  
"Go out, have a great Christmas, listen to bells...  
But make peace with the Lord, or burn in hell."  
  
* * *  
  
Hotaru the Kawaii Senshi  
(To the tune of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer)  
  
You know Ami, Makoto, Minako, Haruka  
Usagi, Michiru, and Chibi-Usa...  
  
But can you recall  
The kawaiiest Senshi of all?  
  
Hotaru the kawaii Senshi  
Has some disturbing powers  
Despite the death she can command  
She really enjoys her flowers  
  
All of the other Senshi  
They run off and hide in fear  
But not the kid Chibi-Usa  
She holds Hotaru quite dear  
  
Short black hair, quite a sweet smile  
Hotaru's so kawaii  
I know that you'll agree with me  
When you see her beautiful violet eyes  
  
Hotaru, the Kawaii Senshi,  
She dies, yet she's reborn again,  
Just don't ever get her angry  
Or "Death Reborn Revolution"!  
  
* * *  
  
I'm Dreaming  
(To the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas)  
  
(Mamoru)  
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas  
With snow everywhere on the map  
A warm blanket, I've got; the cider's quite hot,  
Usagi's sitting in my lap  
  
It's wonderful to hold her close  
She's the perfect woman for me  
Her soft lips meet mine, and I think,  
"Ai shiteru, my dear Usagi."  
  
(Usagi)  
I'm dreaming of my love, Mamoru  
Though I am nestled in his arms  
Outside, the wind howls, the snow, it follows,  
But in here, I'm nice and warm  
  
My lips meet his and I ponder  
How this perfect love could be  
The answer seems ever so right:  
"It's only your destiny."  
  
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(Back to the lounge. Now Naru and the Shitennou have joined the  
crew, and each is in an... interesting... outfit. Naru is wearing  
another Mrs. Claus suit, the three Shitennou not in elf costumes  
are in angel outfits, and Beryl - who, for some reason, is rooming  
in an apartment around the block - holds a glass of cider in her  
hand. As usual, she's seated in her throne. JR raises a glass to  
the room...)  
JR: And a merry Christmas slash happy holidays to us all. Rei, if  
you would please?  
REI: ...*Reaches over and hits the button*  
  
(FWOOSH)  
  
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AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
Well, there's your Christmas special, and a month early at that!  
Enjoy, cause Episode 202 is gonna take a while...  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
TuxedoJack@juno.com 


End file.
